Friday, 31 August 2012

Everything has changed.

What major difference a seemingly small thing in your life can actually make. As September is upon us, I realise that I will no longer spend my Mondays watching a new episode of Desperate Housewives. It is a daunting thought. What a tremendous change this TV series made in my life; life-long friends and memories, and endless amounts of laughter and tears.

I am trying in vain to find a TV show that can replace the life on Wisteria Lane, but everything else comes up short. A show that was very dear to me, Brothers and Sisters, came quite close, so obviously it was cancelled a year ago after only five seasons.

I would say that I still have Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, but I know this is going to be the last season of the latter, and I'm worried that Grey's Anatomy is going to change too much from the death of certain characters. Body of Proof is still great, of course, but what's happening with Peter?

I'm so glad I have found comfort in Switched at Birth. It can never replace my beloved housewives, but it is a show with a lot of lovable characters, as well as including the amazing and adorable Lea Thompson in its cast, an actress who I absolutely love. I can't wait for this show to return on September 3rd.

I watch a lot of television, that is no secret to anyone who knows me. I love half-hour comedies; 30 Rock (Tina Fey is my future wife), Modern Family, Up All Night, Cougar Town, Community, New Girl, The Middle, How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory. These are all great shows, but I relate to them in a whole other way from how I relate to my drama shows. I watch them for the humorous writing, and not so much because I'm interested in the characters. Of course I AM interested in their lives, but not to the extent that I was emotionally invested in the lives of Lynette, Bree, Gaby and even Susan, and not in the same way that I care about Addison, Violet, Sam and Cooper. The drama shows I watch have all these emotional hooks, and it's hard to let go.

It has to be said, though, that I do have a few shows I love. The Good Wife is absolutely amazing, I am in love with it and all its characters. Parenthood is pretty great, and so is this new show, The Secret Circle, which I started watching because I loved Life Unexpected - THAT was a fantastic series. I never thought I'd like a show about witches, but I believe this show is different. It's more about the relationships between the people, and how they deal with their emotional struggles, and I enjoy the psychological aspects of it. And finally, I do love Castle, no matter how infuriating I find Beckett at times. Castle himself is totally awesome. And actually, I do get emotionally involved in HIMYM, and Cougar Town, even if they are half-hour comedies.

I just re-watched my favourite moments from the series finale of Desperate Housewives. I cannot believe it's not coming back. My life would be so much less than it is today if it weren't for this show, and I am eternally grateful. I don't think I've let go of it yet, no matter how many months have passed since it ended. In fact, I don't think I ever will. I will take it with me, and return to it whenever life gets tough. It's always been there for me, and it will continue to be there for me through the good times and the bad. It sounds like a massive cliche, but it's true. It may not have always been the best in terms of writing, but it was always there for me, and so were its fans in the online community. Some of them saved my life, and they know who they are. Thank you.

My life is quite different today from what it was back in 2006 when I first discovered the show. Today I am living in London, studying music and trying to follow my dreams. I have found some of the best friends that I could ever have hoped to find, but I still have my "online friends" to turn to even today. Facebook is a brilliant thing, isn't it! I love it.

It's funny to me how much life changes over the years. Having gone through six years of continuous depression, it is nice to finally have a proper diagnosis for it. Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder changed my life for the better. Once I started taking mood stabilisers, my life slowly but surely returned to me, and even though it is still hard, it is getting better, and for now that is improvement enough. Nothing happens overnight, and that is an important thing to keep in mind when life turns on you, which in my case is quite often. I have to constantly tell myself that I can't do more than try my best. In some cases it won't be enough, but those are the times when I have to keep trying. Not everyone will understand that having a mental illness makes things much more difficult, and therefore I will, no doubt, be expected to live up to the standard of perfectly healthy people. These are expectations I can't always meet, but that's okay. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am limited, and it's not going to stop me.

If I have passed my second year of university, and I am crossing fingers and toes and everything else hoping that I have, I will go on to my third year with a lot more enthusiasm and energy than I have had in the past two years, because I finally know the truth about my struggles, and thus I am able to deal with them. This makes everything easier, and my plans for the future seem more achievable than they did before. I may not be the happiest person alive, but I am ALIVE, and that's all that matters.

A Norwegian Girl in London (currently in Norway)